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TODAY AT A GLANCE
Why Vogue's boyfriend take is actually about something deeper
The difference between independence and performative loneliness
What the data says about what Gen Z actually wants in relationships
Four global stories that reframe the whole dating conversation
The emotional intelligence move that changes every relationship you'll ever have
THE TAKE
Vogue Said Having a Boyfriend Is Embarrassing. Here's What They Actually Exposed.
Vogue UK published a piece by writer Chanté Joseph claiming that in 2025, having a boyfriend is embarrassing.
The internet, well, girls, were just itching to get home from work and talk about it with TikTok, and I saw it all. From the girls with rose colored lenses who think romance isn’t dead all the way to the celebrated TradWife, we all had an opinion. The discourse was everywhere, and most of it missed the actual point entirely.
Here's what nobody said: this isn't about boyfriends, it’s about how as women in modern dating culture our worth is based on the need for external validation,i.e. that indeed there is a man out there willing to show up on your Instagram feed (full body shot, not just hand).
A generation raised on likes, follower counts, and if indeed the three hour photoshoot produced IG carousel worthy shots has confused performance with identity.
When you build your entire personality around being unbothered, independent, and needing nobody (just your dog); the moment you actually need someone, it feels like failure. Not because wanting connection is wrong but because you've been told that needing anything or anyone might as well buy a ticket to your own freakshow.
MODERN DAY DATING EQUIVALENT
That's not empowerment at all, that’s setting up a whole generation up of women to be tied up in a sad and delusional albeit beautiful birdcage.
My problem with media such as these is that with the machine, we run the risk of taking opinion as fact in a fast paced world that gets its news while it is sitting on the toilet. This generation of adults cry because they are overstimulated, you think they can handle an entire magazine spread laying out just how embarrassing they are?
What real empowerment actually looks like:
knowing what you want.
being able to ask for it without shame.
having the discernment to tell the difference between a writer's cultural take and your own lived truth (easy to say, much harder to execute)
STAT OF THE DAY
Source: 2024 Pew Research Survey
of Gen Z adults (18–27) report that they want a committed relationship,according to a 2024 Pew Research survey. The same survey found that 79% say finding a partner who shares their values is important to them. The "relationships are embarrassing" narrative is loud online, but the actual data tells a different story. The algorithm is molded to show you the extreme, while reality is often overlooked. So if you’re currently in a relationship, swiping left or right, or waiting outside your ex’s window with a boombox; a woman’s independence status and her dating beliefs are not one in the same. All we ask is for men to take time to talk to us, actually listen, enjoy each other’s company, and be a safe place to hold us when the world tells us we are indeed “embarrassing” for liking you around.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INDEPENDENCE AND PERFORMING INDEPENDENCE
There is a version of independence that is genuinely built from knowing yourself, healing your wounds, and choosing to spend nights alone watching tv over settling.
Real independence: I don't need a relationship to feel whole, so I can choose one freely.
Performed independence: I will publicly shame wanting connection so nobody knows how lonely I am.
The social media world is filled with some very expressive personalities that discuss this very topic to exhaustion. Here is a list of some female perspectives one should be familiar with because the movements are MOVING!
As you can see from the following and the likes, the female population has indeed reached a point where being safe at home and just cooking for one is the best alternative.
However, over the weekend a popular TikToker MJ Gray, a self proclaimed “maneater”, who vowed to never marry…
…is now ENGAGED.
I spent years performing a version of myself that didn't need anyone. I was very convincing. I faked it on camera and in my private life”
RAPID FIRE: THE GLOBAL DATING CONVERSATION
🇫🇷 France: Relationship culture there never bought the "independence means alone" narrative. The French concept of joie de vivre includes being openly, unashamedly in love. The editors at French Vogue would never.
🇰🇷 South Korea: The "sampo generation",young people who gave up dating, marriage, and children due to economic pressure is now being studied as a mental health crisis, not a feminist victory. Loneliness because you have NO choice looks different from loneliness BY choice.
🇧🇷 Brazil: Consistently ranks among the world's most relationship oriented cultures and also consistently ranks among the happiest. Hmmm, must be something in the lemonade.
🇺🇸 USA: Dating app usage hit an all time high in 2024 while relationship satisfaction hit an all time low. We have more tools to find connection than ever, yet we are more disconnected than ever. The problem? Worth a conversation over your next Tinder date.
This word doesn't get enough mainstream exposure: discernment.
SPIRIT: What Discernment Actually Means
It means the ability to distinguish truth from noise. To know the difference between what the culture is telling you to want and what your actual soul is asking for.
You don't have to be religious for this to apply. Every wisdom tradition has a version of it. The Stoics called it prosoche which isattention to self, and the Buddhists call it viveka or “discriminative wisdom”.
The Vogue piece required zero discernment to write and infinite discernment to read correctly, I had to, twice over.
The practice this week: Before one adopt’s any cultural narrative as our own, whether it be about dating, ambition, or about what you're supposed to want ; lets ask: Is this true for me or is this just a loud opinion of which we can respectfully listen to and discuss and then leave it behind?
CHECK OUT THE PODCAST THIS WEEKEND
The full episode that started this conversation ,"When Boyfriends Became Embarrassing: The Trend Vogue Missed" is available right now wherever you get your podcasts. I go deep on the personal angle: what dating looked like during my adult industry chapter, what it looks like now as a woman anchoring in faith, and why the evolution isn't a contradiction , It's LITERALLY the whole point.
Listen: BridgetteUNFILTERED on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and everywhere else.
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